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Manus haec inimica tyrannis.

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Christmas Haiku

I don't consider myself to be much of a poet, and I certainly don't have very much Christmas spirit, but some years back I wrote some funny haiku poems as a contribution to an evening of Christmas carols at a friend's party. I was so proud of my work that I kept them. I thought somebody else might get a chuckle out of them, so I'm posting them here. Perhaps next year I'll post my Christmas carol contribution to the same party, a stirring little ditty entitled "Good King Elvis" (sung to the tune of "Good King Wenceslas").

For those who are unfamiliar with the concept, the haiku is a Japanese poetical form, consisting of three lines of five, seven, and five syllables, respectively. I'm not sure that mine technically meet the classical standard in anything but metre. However, they do offer a rare glimpse into the dark and pitiless soul of The Spectacled Avenger.

Here's wishing you a tolerable Christmas and a New Year's Eve that you just can't seem to remember.


Mistletoe above.
Waiting, Ugly One puckers.
Sigh of the condemned.

Child rips gift's wrapping,
Of latest toy expectant.
Socks teach life's unfair.

Tinsel's soft rustling,
Tree's final crashing to floor.
The silence between.

In puddle of sick,
Of turkey with whiskey mixed,
Uncle, peaceful, sleeps.

Daddy disappeared.
Rotten stench from fireplace creeps.
"Santa's" corpse above.

Man to boss: "You suck!"
Pregnant silence deafens all
At office party.

Lipstick on collar,
Man shouts; house locks changed by wife.
Christmas lights mocking.

Visa bill arrives.
Black emptiness in wallet.
Jesus too was poor.

With a will of steel,
New Year brings resolutions.
Fun from now till then.

Like jungle creatures,
Red in tooth and claw we fight
For requested toy.

Overcrowded stores,
Sweating under winter coat.
Burdened by life's load.

Distant family meets.
Each professes love to all.
Knives in many backs.

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