A Curious Miscellany of Items Philosophical, Historical, and Literary

Manus haec inimica tyrannis.

Saturday, March 7, 2009

25 Things About Me

Not too long ago there was a viral chain letter-type thing floating around on Facebook asking the recipient to post twenty-five facts about themselves which their friends might not know about. I thought that the best way to break the ice in my new blog would be to make my list of twenty-five things the first post on this, my new blog. Here it is:

1. I consider myself to have invented the following (at least in my head): stuffed crust pizza, Barbie doll tattoos, Hallmark insult cards, and butter that stays as soft as margarine in winter.

2. I dislike our culture’s demand for open-mouthed smiling, especially in photographs (unless it’s absolutely and unmistakably spontaneous). I feel that there’s something vulgar about it, and I don’t like being pressured into it.

3. I’m suspicious of tofu and Buddhism.

4. I love the smell of gasoline.

5. When I was a kid, I thought I was fat.

6. When I was a little older, I thought I was too skinny.

7. Now I think my weight is alright, but I’m a little too lumpy.

8. When I was a kid, I thought that old films were in black and white because everything was in black and white in olden times. I also thought that people walked really fast back then too. I also thought that babies came from women who got wet while kissing (i.e. if a women was kissed near a swimming pool and she got splashed, she’d become pregnant).

9. I like moustaches – there’s something honest about them. But I’d never wear one myself.

10. I distrust microwave ovens. I have a theory that they bombard microbes with microwaves, randomly mutating their genes, breeding unknown species of super microbes by speeding up their evolution.

11. I never walk up disabled ramps or use elevators instead of escalators. Doing so is bad karma and will put me in danger of becoming disabled myself some day.

12. I don’t believe in ghosts, but I’m still scared of them.

13. I don’t believe in astrology, and yet I still feel that knowing someone’s sign is somehow informative.

14. I’m not nearly as cynical as most people who know me probably think I am.

15. A few times I have had occasion to wear women’s clothing – strictly for comedy-related purposes. However, I did not entirely dislike the experience of wearing a dress.

16. I dislike eating with my hands. I believe that the fork was a real technological advance, much superior to chopsticks.

17. I dislike coming into physical contact with greasy things; I especially hate it when my face feels greasy. However, I love eating ribs, which causes inner conflict.

18. I sometimes watch my wife sleep. She’s very cute when she sleeps.

19. If I could pick another time to be alive, I would like to experience living in London, around the year 1711.

20. I believe that civilization as we know it is doomed, for various reasons. But I’m past the point in my life where this fact bothers me very much.

21. I love the smell of the air in the early morning. It’s almost worth getting out of bed early for.

22. Some people have an inner child they need to let out. I have an inner fascist I need to keep in.

23. I am fascinated by objects from forgotten regimes (e.g. Nazi currency) or that are representative of attitudes that are no longer accepted (e.g. I own a copy of the book Little Black Sambo). I think we sometimes need to be reminded of these things.

24. One of the smartest people I’ve ever met was also one of the least educated. I have a PhD and yet I have little respect for formal education.

25. I secretly like George Michael’s music.

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